Episode 93 Your Journey through the Know, Love, Grow Model
When you’re in the middle of a difficult trial, it can be very hard to get perspective. It’s very easy to be reactive, to not see the situation clearly, and to get caught up in the emotion of it all. When we do this, we are allowing ourselves to play into the victim mindset our brains want to drag us into. When you know how to get perspective, you begin to see where you power lies and you become the hero on your own life. You become a person who is acting and not being acted upon. Join me in this episode to see where you can find your hero energy and stay out of the victim role.
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Getting to Know Yourself – 30 Journaling Questions
I would love to be your mentor as you go through your own Hero’s Journey of life and take you through my signature coaching program “Your Journey.” This is 1-1 coaching relationship, not a group program, and spots are limited. If you are interested in what this looks like for you, set up a free coaching call with me. I usually charge for this call, but for the month of April, I will be waiving this fee.
CLICK HERE to set up your call.
Full Transcript
When you’re in the middle of a difficult trial, it can be very hard to get perspective, it’s very easy to be reactive to not see the situation clearly. And to get caught up in the emotion of it all. And when we do this, we are allowing ourselves to play into a victim mindset our brains want to drag us into.
When you know how to get perspective, you begin to see where your power lies, and you become the hero in your own life. You become a person who is acting, and not being acted upon.
Join me in this episode to see where you can find your hero energy, and stay out of the victim role.
My name is Tina Gosney. I’m a Family Relationship Coach, I want you to join me inside.
Hey, I promised you a bonus episode this week. And this is it. This is just a wrap up of the KNOW, LOVE, GROW Model from Aimee Gianni, I have really loved putting together this three month long series of showing you how this KNOW,LOVE, GROW Model works and how there’s different things that factor into it. There’s so much more that you can dive into with this, that we’re just limited by the platform of a podcast.
But I urge you to begin to look for KNOW, LOVE, GROW in your life every day. How is it showing up? You find out something you can either accept or reject it, you can fight it or you can say yep, this is truth. This is reality in my life. What am I going to do with it happens all the time. You can even find that getting in the line at the grocery store or driving to work, you have the opportunity to see something be upset or accept it. And then to make a decision.
Because I’ve loved this whole KNOW, LOVE, GROW series so much. I plan on doing more series to come. So stay tuned if you will also have liked this. And I just want to remind you that the free downloads for January, February, and March are all still available. There. There’s a link in the show notes. You can go there and you can download them.
Now before I get into the wrap up today for the KNOW, LOVE, GROW Model wanted to read a podcast review from becksuzie. And she gave this podcast five stars. She said “I have learned so much about myself and my relationships listening to this podcast. I’m so grateful for it. And I love listening to Tina’s calm and lovely voice.”
Well, that is so sweet back Susie, thank you so much. And I like yes, I love that you love the podcast, but telling me I have a calm and lovely voice. That is just so kind. Thank you so much. I appreciate that.
Every once in a while I’ll read a podcast review online. So if you want me to read yours, just go to Apple podcasts and leave a review. And maybe you’ll hear your review coming up on the podcast soon.
Have you ever watched Star Wars? Our family is a Star Wars family. My husband loves it. And he’s just kind of made our kids into All Star Wars fans to one degree or another. If you’re not familiar with Star Wars, I’m going to go over a really brief synopsis of what happens.
So there’s a character called Luke. Luke is just a teenager. He’s probably like any other teenager where he lives. And then he’s invited on this big adventure. It has a mentor as he goes along. That’s Obi Wan Kenobi. They encounter a lot of challenges. And I’m sure that Luke was afraid for many of them. Maybe he didn’t even know if what he was doing was possible, and he wondered if he was able to meet the challenge.
And I’m sure that he at times wished that he could just go back to his old life, but he knew that wasn’t possible. Another thing that happened to him is he found out that his biggest enemy Darth Vader was actually his father. Can you imagine that? Finding out that your father is your arch enemy. He made friends his main friends. He had a lot of friends during the series, but his main friends were Han Solo Princess Leia and Chewbacca.
And then he met another mentor when Yoda came into his life. He gained more skills face more challenges made more friends. If you’ve seen Star Wars, and most people have but if you haven’t, it’s okay.
Then you know that he faces Luke faces in ultimate battle with Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi. Between the time that Luke left his home as a teenager At the time, he faced Darth Vader. In the third movie that was made. He was a very different person. He was very different when he faced his enemy in the final battle versus the time that he left his home.
You see, every movie, Luke got stronger. He faced new challenges. He had new enemies, he made new friends and mentors. And really through those three initial movies that were made decades ago, you see him develop maturity, and skills he did not have at the beginning. It’s also important to mention here that Luke thought he was just an ordinary teenager, but he’s not. He’s actually was a person who had a great lineage, a great and important lineage. He just didn’t know that when the movie started.
This is like many other movies. In fact, this this whole plotline that Star Wars goes through, it’s actually been documented as a set plotline that’s very popular. Other movies that have this are Harry Potter, and Hunger Games, Lord of the Rings, a lot of the Marvel movies will follow this same plotline. It’s called the Hero’s Journey. And this basic plotline is very intriguing and captivating to our human brains. In fact, they say if a movie or a book does not follow this basic plotline, then it’s probably not going to be engaging and it will not be a hit, it will not be very commercially successful, which is really interesting.
Why do you think that we are so intrigued by this particular plotline arc human brains engage with a hero’s journey of a ordinary person leaving their normal life to face challenges, to have a villain that’s trying to come and destroy them. And they have to really rise to the challenge gained new skills, gain new strength, gain courage, as they have friends and mentors that help them along the way. It’s very interesting that our human brains engaged with this particular plotline over all other plot lines. You can look up Hero’s Journey on Google, you can Google it, there’s all sorts of information there.
I’ve really kind of simplified it compared to the models that have. But I think that this is sufficient for what we’re talking about today. But really, why am I talking about movies today? Because I think it’s really helpful to get some perspective on our own lives and our own plotlines in our own trials, the own our own things that we deal with that are very difficult. It’s really helpful every now and then to step back and look at the big picture. And I think it’s very helpful actually, to think of ourselves as being on our own hero’s journey. We like the Hero’s Journey because we are also all on our own Hero’s Journey. This is the same pattern our lives follow.
Whether we realize it or not want you to think about the types of characters that you’re going to encounter in a movie that has a hero’s journey plotline. There’s a victim, the victim is not in control of their own life. Other people are in charge. You know, when you’re a victim, other people are in charge of your life, their results in your life, fate has just dealt you a bad hand. You know, maybe something happened to them in their childhood, or in their family that they felt like wasn’t fair.
But as soon as we identify as a victim, we stop growing, and we stop getting stronger. And if you start seeing yourself as a victim of your circumstances of your past or your present, you also stop growing, and you also stop getting stronger. Then there’s the hero. The story is about the hero, right? We want to identify as the hero, because the hero is trying to accomplish something great.
The hero starts out as just an ordinary person, maybe even kind of a weak person. He gets thrown out of his normal life and into something bigger. He meets friends and allies along the way.
And then there’s a guide, a mentor, someone who is older, maybe older, wiser. But this mentor has been through things. They they take the hero and they teach them and they direct them and they inspire them. And that mentor that guide is always there trying to help the hero. You know that guide has been through tough times in their life and they’ve come through it and that’s why they’re such the perfect person to guide the hero through too.
And then there’s a villain, right? We have to have a villain or we don’t have a problem in the story. Did your elementary school teacher teach you that every story needs a problem? Well, the villain introduces the problem. And there always comes a point in the movie, where you think the villain is going to win, like the hero is just down and they feel just defeated and awful and, and weak. And the villain, it looks like the villain is going to win and the hero is going to be destroyed. And then the hero finds the strength inside of them that they never knew they had. And they never have had to use the strength before, but they find it and they defeat the villain.
So these characters don’t just exist in stories. They exist in roles that we all play in our lives today. In fact, inside each of us, we have all four of these roles. Sometimes we might play every single role every day.
And when you set a goal, and you set out to achieve it, you are playing a hero.
When you seek vengeance, or you’re angry, and you want to seek retribution against someone that’s wronged you, you play the villain.
When you help someone else, you inspire someone else to achieve success, inspire them to keep going, you play the guide.
When you give up and you tell yourself, you can’t do it, and you say, This is too hard. I’m done. You fall into that victim energy.
The more time you spend tapping into the hero, guide energy, the more you move forward, the more time you spend falling into victim villain energy, the less you grow, and the more you stay stagnant. It’s just guaranteed
This is been this has been shown and proven over and over again. So when you look at this, in a story aspect, what happens, the hero taps into his energy, the hero energy and he wins the day, the guide gets thanked by the hero, the villain gets hauled off, or sometimes he gets killed. The victim is just, you know, a minor role doesn’t really ever play a really big role in this story. The job of the victim really is to make the hero look good, and the villain to look bad. And that’s about it.
So when you are if you’re ever tempted to play the victim role in your own life, remember, it’s only a small part of your story. It is not who you are about. This is not what your story is about. The victim doesn’t get a reward or honor at the end of the movie, and they don’t experience the transformation.
As a result of going through difficult things and finding their strength. The hero changes and transforms, the victim stays the same. The only attention the victim gets is that people feel sorry for them. Sometimes in our life, it’s really tempting to play a victim role. Because then we don’t have to accept responsibility, then the problems that we have in our life or someone else’s fault, and we don’t have to work to solve them, our brains light to not have to work.
They want to lead us often into victim energy. If but if we’re in that victim energy, we don’t have to take a hard look at ourselves. We don’t have to ask ourselves what our responsibility is, in the things that we don’t like about our own lives.
I don’t want you to get this confused with actual victims because there are true actual victims in this world who don’t have a way out of their circumstances. But that is not the case for most of us. If you are perfectly capable of getting up and making your own choices from day to day, but you let someone else do it. You’re taking away from true victims, and you’re living into victim energy and you will stay stuck.
Heroes have goals for what they want to achieve. They have ambition to overcome obstacles, heroes are not perfect. I think that’s really important to remember, we always see the hero as having flaws, right in stories and movies. They always have flaws. That’s actually why we love them. We tend to love the hero over all the other characters. We don’t like people that we think are perfect because we can’t relate to them because we know that we’re not perfect.
And heroes can’t do it by themselves either. They seek help from others. They don’t see it as a sign of weakness to look to others for help. They experience setbacks and challenges. But the reason they’re they’re the hero is because they don’t give up. They keep going even when what they’re trying to do seems impossible, but they know if they give up the story ends in tragedy, and they don’t want that to happen.
So every minute of every day you get to decide, what kind of energy Are you tapping into? Is it hero energy? Or are you falling easily into the victim energy. The more that you overcome, the more heroic your story will be. When you refuse to play the victim in your life, you become a person who acts for themselves and is not acted upon. You are exercising your agency.
There’s one really interesting aspect of the Hero’s Journey. And Marvel, you know, the Marvel movies, they’re really great at doing this. You know, at the end of the movie, when you think it’s over, you think, okay, everything’s been resolved. And then they throw in that little bit at the end right after some of the credits where they show a new villain plotting against the hero, or they show a new problem popping up. We know that that’s just their way of leaving the door open to a sequel.
But this also happens in our own lives, have you noticed, because we will go through difficult things. We play the hero, we find friends and guides and mentors along the way. We gain new skills, we find new strength in ourselves, we become a new person through the things that we go through, we meet the challenges, and we don’t hide from it. And then we think, Oh, I’ve made it, I’m okay.
And then around the corner, there is a new challenge, right? We get to go through this whole process all over again. Sometimes when I talk to my clients about this, they get overwhelmed, because they’re in the middle of making trying to make it through a present day difficult challenge. And the thought of getting through it, and then having another one right around the corner is daunting.
And I tell them, and I’m going to tell you, this is nothing to get overwhelmed about. It’s just the pattern of personal development. And all we ever do is take one step at a time. We always only take one step at a time. This is the KNOW, LOVE, GROW pattern. Amy Gianni and I talked about a spiraling up, we talked about it in several of our episodes. And this is what we were talking about.
In order to face new challenges, we often need to become a newer version of ourselves. It’s not supposed to be easy. But as soon as we become a newer version of ourselves, then we get invited on a new set of challenges. To do the whole thing all over again. It’s a spiraling up that we find through our lives. You know what, it’s not anything to get overwhelmed about. Because I believe in you, I know that you can do it. I have seen this pattern of KNOW, LOVE, GROW.
This Hero’s Journey pattern, repeat itself over and over again in my life. And I’ve worked with so many clients who are doing the very same thing in their own life right now. Now, if you are ready to put this to work for you, the KNOW, LOVE, GROW Model, the hero’s journey if you’re ready to become the hero in your story in your life and give up the victim energy, if you’re ready to find ways that you act and are not acted upon. And if you need help finding your strength if you feel lost, and you don’t even know how to take the next step in your life. Because you don’t know what that next step is.
I’m inviting you to coach with me through my signature coaching program. It’s called Your Journey.
The Your Journey program integrates your thinking mind, your reactive body, and your emotional heart, all of which have their strengths. And they have their weaknesses. I help you to let each of these work together for your good, all things should be working together for your good. Let’s let the mind the body and the heart all work together for your good as well.
When you’re in the middle of difficult circumstances, it can be really, really difficult to see clearly, to know what to do with the emotions that take over and to not be reactive that to the things that put our bodies into a fight or flight state. It can feel like you’re on a roller coaster and you have no ability to get off and you have no idea when it’s going to stop.
You know what else is hard about it. You don’t feel like you have any footing. It’s like you’re not standing on solid ground. But when you integrate your mind, your body and your heart as you’re working through the KNOW, LOVE, GROW Model of your life. You find yourself you gain more confidence in who you are. Do you realize what a huge impact this can make in your relationships.
When you clean up your own side of the street what’s going on inside of you? You are not alone. term, you are the hero in your own life. And when your side of the street is clean, it’s so much easier to see where your responsibility lies. And where it doesn’t, you can see the bigger picture, you’re so much better able to like and love who you are. And when you can like and love who you are, it truly allows you to like and love the other people in your life, we can’t really fully effectively do this, we can’t love other people. If we can’t love ourselves, first, we don’t even know how to do it has to be done inwardly first.
There’s one more thing about the hero’s journey, you know, the hero usually finds out just like Luke did, that they are not just an ordinary normal person, they find out they have a very important lineage.
And the same thing applies to you, you are not just an ordinary person, you are important. You have a very important spiritual lineage. And I’m sure that you have a very important earthly lineage as well. And not only that, but you have a very important job on the earth, when you can see your own trials as part of your own hero’s journey. And that those trials are helping you to see just how important you really are, you begin to see your true identity.
Everything that we do is tied to our identity. We want to make sure we are living into our true authentic identity, which so few of us are.
If you’re ready to start working on your relationship with yourself and with others, please consider joining me in the Your Journey program. This is still a one on one coaching relationship. It is not a group program, every one of you have a different journey through this life. So this program is very tailored to you and your specific journey.
It will be a privilege for me to be your guide and your mentor along your journey. I would love it if you would set up a call with me. And we can talk I usually charge for this call. But for the month of April, I’m waiving the fee for this call.
I only have a few spots open in my calendar for new clients. And I don’t accept new clients without an initial call to see if we’re a good fit to work together. You’ll find a link in the show notes to set up this call. And I’m really looking forward to meeting with you. I know that when you start seeing your life through this lens of the hero’s journey, and you start looking at small things in your life, in the KNOW, LOVE, GROW Model that you can transform the way that you see things that you will gain perspective and understanding in why you’re going through the things that you’re going through. And where your power is to take responsibility in your own life. To affect the change that you want to see in your own life.
I’m inviting you to set up that call with me. I’m looking forward to meeting you.
And until next week. Have a great day. And don’t forget to be the hero in your own life.
