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“What do you want to do with YOUR life?!”

My son threw those words at me, trying to get me to leave him alone as I pressed him (once again) about what he wanted to study in college.

That comment stopped me dead in my tracks.

I had no answer. I didn’t know.

I had given decades of my life to supporting my husband, raising my children, and serving others. I gave so much, that I ignored anything that was for me. If I paid attention to myself, or spent time, energy, or resources on me – that was selfish.

But there I was, in my 40’s, and I didn’t know who I was outside of being a wife and mother. I had no needs and desires. I had no identity. I didn’t know who I was.

Even though I was giving all day long, every day, I still felt like no matter how hard I tried, or how much I gave, I was never going to be good enough.

Leave it to a 16-year-old boy to call out his mother in such an exposing way that she began having an existential crisis!

That was about 10 years ago. And now I know a lot of things I didn’t know then.

The main one is this – you can’t give everything you have, ignore your own needs, wants, and desires, and truly be there as a strong support for the people you love. It isn’t possible.

If you aren’t addressing your own needs, you aren’t putting your own oxygen mask on as the plane loses pressure, and you’re going to end up in the aisle, with everyone else taking care of you.

It’s a gift to everyone else in your life for you to pay attention to yourself. Until you do, you will keep struggling and finding yourself in a life half-lived, feeling not good enough.

I know … because that was me.

Until it wasn’t.

When I began putting myself on the priority list, everything changed – my relationship with my husband, my children, my extended family, my friends, and even the neighbor down the street.

That’s why I’m a coach. To help you do the same. 

What has coaching done for me?

I can disagree with my husband and children, sometimes passionately, and stay in a close, loving relationship with them. 

I don’t second guess my decisions or have to check in with everyone else to make sure I made the “right” decision.

I don’t compare myself, my marriage, my family, and my life to anyone else’s.

I can have difficult conversations without my emotions taking over. I can ask for what I want and not feel guilty about it. 

I can say NO when I want to and YES when I want to. No guilt or people-pleasing.

I’m at peace with who I am. I have peace in my relationships with my family. I’m a peace with whatever is happening in my life, no matter what. 

I know my purpose and my worth. I don’t have to work to get them. They’re already there. 

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