Episode 138 Coaching Or Therapy (1)

What’s the Difference between Coaching and Therapy?

If you have been wondering what coaching is and how it differs from therapy, I dive into that topic in this episode. Therapy has been around for a long time, and many people are familiar with what therapy will help with. Coaching has been around for decades, but only in the last few years has become more common and mainstream.

If you’re wanting help in your life, but aren’t sure whether to look into therapy or coaching, this episode is here to help you know more about each model and what direction you might want to go.

Set up a free 30-minute consultation with me to see if coaching is right for you and if we are a good fit to work together. CLICK HERE TO SET UP YOUR FREE APPOINTMENT

The Difficult Conversation Guide

In this guide, I’ll help you know what to do before, during, and after the conversation. You’ll also learn some amazing, and easy to learn emotional management skills that you can use long after this conversation is over.

Click here to download:

Have a difficult conversation with your husband

Have a difficult conversation with your adult child

Full Transcript

Tina Gosney  00:02

If you’re struggling in your family relationships, and nothing you do makes it any better. Maybe it even gets worse. You’re in the right place. My name is Tina Gosney, your host, as well as your family relationship coach, and positive relationship strategist. When you make peace with what’s happening inside of yourself, you’ll begin to find the peace you’re looking for in your relationships. This is the coaching your family relationships, podcast, let’s get started.

Tina Gosney  00:34

Welcome to the coaching your family relationships Podcast. I’m Tina. I’m your guide and your relationship coach for today. And today, we’re talking about what is the difference between coaching and therapy? This is a question I get asked quite a lot. And I really want to, I’ll dive pretty deep into it today and give you a lot of ways that there may be similar in ways that they’re also different.

Tina Gosney  01:01

But before I do that, I want to remind you that right now, I have a free guide for you. This is called the difficult conversation guide. This is a guide to help you have a difficult conversation without your emotions, taking over and running the show. If you are typically shying away from difficult conversations, or just have just dread in your heart about having one because they just tend to never go well. Or maybe you’re getting emotional, and you can’t even finish having the conversation. Maybe those tears take over or the anger takes over. And you just feel like you are out of control.

Tina Gosney  01:44

This is your guide, I want you to go download that link. It’s in the shownotes this guide will help you prepare. So it’s going to walk you through what to do beforehand, what to think about during the conversation and what to do afterwards. But what I think is the most valuable part of this guide is that there’s three very easy to implement, easy to practice emotional management tools in there. And that’s going to help you way beyond having a difficult conversation that’s going to help you every single day. So that part is just invaluable all in itself. If this is something that you are needing go to the link in the show notes and grab that guide, it will be available for a limited period of time.

Tina Gosney  02:35

Okay, so let’s get into the episode today. I think most people are familiar with the therapy model. It’s been around for a really long time. Coaching has actually been around for a long time too, but it hasn’t been as mainstream as it is becoming now. In fact, you’re gonna find a lot of coaches popping up all over the place. And so I think this is a helpful conversation.

Tina Gosney  03:01

If you’re wondering, why do I do I need a coach? Do I need therapy? I’m just not sure. Or do I need anybody at all. This is your episode, if you’ve been wondering any of those things.

Tina Gosney  03:13

So let’s dive into coaching. First, coaching focuses mainly on assessing where you are right now, let’s see where you are right now, and what results you’re getting in your life. And what you want your results to be how do we move you forward in what you’re wanting to work on. We don’t usually dive super deep into your past, sometimes we will address it, especially if it’s creating roadblocks for you, and you can’t move forward without knowing how you got to where you are now, we might go into it then. But we’re not really super focused on your past.

Tina Gosney  03:48

Generally coaching is taking a mentally healthy person and helping them to move forward to get a different result in their life in a given area. So the three main areas of coaching are money, business, finance, that’s they’re going to help you with all of those things, maybe health and weight, just focusing on your body and having more healthy habits and, and different results that you want to have with your health and your body. And then there’s relationship coaching, which will focus on different aspects of your personal or professional relationships.

Tina Gosney  04:29

I am a relationship coach and usually a coach unless they’re a general life coach. Well focus their practice in a certain area under one of those three main categories either money, health or relationships. Now I know coaches that are relationship coaches that work these are sometimes the way that we can even niche down within that general area of relationships.

Tina Gosney  04:56

Okay, so I know coaches who work with couples in their marriage to have a better marriage, that they’re having conflict in their marriage, maybe someone who’s healing from infidelity, people who want to create a healthier sexual relationship, someone who’s recovering from divorce, if you’re improving a to parent and teen relationship, or maybe adapting to being a new mother, that’s just a sampling of the kind of coaches that you would find. Under the relationship umbrella.

Tina Gosney  05:25

I happen to focus my work in the area of family relationships, and I more specifically target the wife, the mother, the woman. And why do I do that? Because I know that women are very unlikely to put themselves on a priority list in their own life. And they don’t even know how their family their entire family is suffering for it.

Tina Gosney  05:50

Women are culturally conditioned to be caregivers, and to not address and acknowledge their own needs. Were told that if we do have needs, or that if we’re having a hard time, we need to serve more, we need to give more of ourselves, and that’s going to fix the problem. We’re ignoring that we are actually a human being who needs to pay attention to themselves and has needs.

Tina Gosney  06:16

Think about if you’re on an airplane, and you know when you’re taxiing across the runway, before you’ve taken off and the flight attendant is giving you the safety, the safety message and they’re talking about the oxygen mask, okay? So the oxygen, if they say a case, we’re losing air pressure, the oxygen mask will drop from the ceiling. And make sure you put yours on. If you’re traveling with anybody who needs help make sure you put yours on first, and then help them. Well. Why do they say that? Why do they say put yours on first. Because if you don’t have your own oxygen mask on, what’s going to happen, there’s no oxygen running through the cabin. Pretty soon. If you’re running around helping everybody else pretty soon, you’re going to be the one laying in the aisle and everyone is going to be taking care of you.

Tina Gosney  07:10

Often this is what happens with women because they have not been putting on their own oxygen mask. They’ve just been running around taking care of everybody else. And it’s not going to might not look like you laying in an aisle of an airplane. But it’s going to look different ways. So that’s why I focus on women.

Tina Gosney  07:28

Coaching is an unregulated industry. You don’t have to pass a test, or get a license to be a coach. For that reason, anyone can tell you that they’re a coach. sounds a little scary, right? Well, if you’re looking to hire a coach, you should do your homework. They should have some training and how to coach as well as training. And what they tell you that their specialty is make sure they have knowledge to help you with what they’re telling you, that they can help you with.

Tina Gosney  08:00

Coaching is a relationship that can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to a few years, depending on what you’re working on and what you want your results to be. Coaches are trained to help you thrive in your life, not just survive in your life. And coaching can be very powerful. It will be very challenging to but in a good way. And that’s exactly what you want.

Tina Gosney  08:27

You don’t want to hire a coach so that you can just be comfortable and stay the same. Why that would be a waste of time. You want different results and that requires you to be challenged. You grow from being challenged, not from staying in your comfort zone. So that’s an you know, coaching in a nutshell.

Tina Gosney  08:47

How is it different from therapy, let’s dive into what therapy looks like. Therapy is a regulated industry. They do have to have a certification in the state that they practice in to treat people. They’re not allowed to move over state lines. Therapy is designed to diagnose and treat mental illness. Therapists are usually looking for a diagnosis because they work a lot with insurance companies and they need a diagnosis so they can submit that bill for reimbursement to your insurance company. Therapy is right for people who have safety issues, addictions, mental illness, clinical depression and anxiety. Somebody who might need medication, you want a person who is trained in best medical practices to help you with those things. Therapy is going to dive a lot into your past it’s really past focused and that can be really helpful. When you are trying to understand yourself. I have found a lot of value for myself in knowing more about why I am the way I am and how I got here in the first place. That has been really invaluable to me.

Tina Gosney  10:02

One of the limitations of therapy is that it isn’t designed to help you thrive in your life is designed to bring you up to a baseline level where you’re not sick anymore.

Tina Gosney  10:13

If you think of a number line, you have the zero point. And then you have negative numbers and you have positive numbers. Therapies model is really designed to bring you up to the zero point or maybe just slightly past that zero line. Coaching is designed to take you from maybe a little bit below zero, not very far, but a little bit below zero. To have a positive the positive side however high you want to go.

Tina Gosney  10:40

Therapy works on the negative side, coaching works mainly on the positive side, and there’s a little bit of overlap in the middle.

Tina Gosney  10:47

Let’s just say you’re on a football team, and you break your leg, you want the team doctor to be in charge, you don’t want the coach coming out and trying to set your leg and tell you what you need to do and and fix trying to fix your leg. The coach does not know how to do that. That is not the coach’s job. But if you’re trying to strategize to win the game, and you want helpful tools and and plays and you want help doing that, you don’t want the doctor in charge you want the coach in charge.

Tina Gosney  11:21

So should you work with a therapist and a coach at the same time? Well, a lot of people do this. In fact, if you’re wanting to make some big moves in your life, and you know, that, like looking at that number line that I just described, okay, I have some things I need to clean up on that negative side. But I also really want to move into the positive, thriving side as well. It’s perfectly great and awesome to work with a coach and a therapist at the same time. You’ll make big strides if you do.

Tina Gosney  11:51

There have been times when I have had a client who came to me for coaching. But as we got started, I saw that there were some red flags that were showing up. And I asked them to work with a therapist, in conjunction with working with me. Or a few times, I’ve actually asked the person I said, Let’s put your sessions with me on hold for now. And let’s have you work with a therapist, and then check back in with me. And we’ll see when you’re ready to start picking up your sessions with me again. Now, if you do work with a coach and a therapist at the same time, please let them know about each other don’t keep that a secret, they might want to coordinate your care together. So you are both working towards the same end.

Tina Gosney  12:35

So how do you know? Should I work with a therapist? Should I work with a coach, sometimes it’s hard to know which one is right for you. And if you’re not sure, you can set up an appointment with a therapist and a coach. In fact, talk to one or more of each. And let them know what you’re struggling with. So they can share with you how they can help you.

Tina Gosney  12:57

Another thing that I see in coaching quite often is someone who’s coming into coaching because they’ve been working with the therapist for quite a while now, sometimes several years. And they saw initially they saw really good results. But lately, it doesn’t seem like much is changing. And they’re kind of stagnant in their progress. And if that is the case, it might be either time to find a new therapist, or it might be time to try coaching. Many people work their way out of therapy, because they’ve healed so much. Remember, that’s like the medical, mental illness, something is medically needs to be addressed. And I’ve healed that I’m feeling so much better. And now I’m ready to move into such a more positive and thriving part of my life. That’s when you want to work with a coach.

Tina Gosney  13:47

Do you really need a therapist or a coach? Well, it depends on where you are and what you want. So if you have trouble functioning in normal life situations, like getting out of bed, feeding yourself taking care of your body, holding down a job, struggling in your relationships, or you have safety concerns. These are signs you really need to work with a therapist.

Tina Gosney  14:16

If you are functioning in a normal way in your life, you can get out of bed, you can take care of yourself. You don’t have problems with that. You can hold down a job. Your relationships are not dysfunctional, but they’re not like really great. They don’t have to be really great either. And you don’t have safety concerns, but you’re not finding fulfillment happiness, joy, health or thriving in your life. This is the point where you’d want to hire a coach.

Tina Gosney  14:43

Now there is a lot of information online. Everybody knows the internet is full of tons and tons of information. You can find really excellent resources online in podcasts like this one and blogs in YouTube. goes, there’s a lot of books available. There’s information everywhere when you start looking for it. And they will give you a lot of knowledge and information. Knowing about something is very different than knowing how to use it. And knowing how to put that to use in your life.

Tina Gosney  15:23

I often have people come to me and say, you know, I’ve read all the books, I’ve listened to so many podcasts, I have the tools, I know the tools, I don’t know how to use the tools, I don’t know how to actually get them out of my head, and into my life. This is super common. So if you are thinking that right now, you’re in a really big boat, there’s a lot of people in that boat, because knowing and doing are two different skill sets. And if this is you, you can hire a coach to help you put that knowledge into action. A coach is going to help you find beliefs that you don’t even know that you have a beliefs are thoughts that we have thought for so long, that now we don’t even consciously think them, they’ve just become part of the way that we see the world. We just think that this is the way that the world is this is true. And it dictates the way that we operate in our life, because this is just the reality of the world. beliefs can be very helpful, they can also hinder us, our beliefs are like the air we breathe, we can’t see them.

Tina Gosney  16:33

A good coach will help you identify those beliefs, and help you take a look at them to see if they’re keeping you stuck in a place in your life that you don’t want to be. But you can’t get past that because you can’t see your unbelief.

Tina Gosney  16:47

When you want to have results faster, you hire a coach. And that coach can help you see the beliefs that you can’t see, that coach will cut to the problem and help you implement tools in your life that will begin to help you move the dial in your own life.

Tina Gosney  17:05

Now, can you work through these things on your own? Absolutely. You can go through and look at all the information online and books and all that all the resources. And you can look and see I need this and I don’t need that. That’s not very hard to do. It just takes time it takes a lot of time. A coach is going to help you save time and energy. A coach will hone right in on what you need, and help you learn what you don’t even know that you need to learn. We’re going to teach you tools that will benefit you now and through the rest of your life. Coach is going to move you through that process faster and more efficiently.

Tina Gosney  17:50

The truth is we can all benefit from having an outsider’s perspective on our life. But that outsider needs to be non judgmental, and to not have an ulterior motive or an agenda for you. And your friends and your family are usually not either of these things.

Tina Gosney  18:11

It’s helpful to have a non judgmental non agenda perspective. Because we are all blind to ourselves.

Tina Gosney  18:22

Have you ever noticed that it’s so easy to tell someone else how to solve their problems, but you have trouble knowing how to solve your own, that’s totally normal. Because we all live inside the jar of our own minds. It’s like the instructions are on the outside of the jar. But we live on the inside of the jar and we can’t see the instructions. That’s why other people can see us better than we see ourselves. And that’s why you can see someone else better than they can see themselves.

Tina Gosney  18:51

When you work with a therapist or a coach who has been trained to look for certain things, and knows how to help you navigate past those beliefs that are not helping you. That can be life changing. I want to really emphasize this next point is the biggest indicator of you being able to make progress and get results. And whatever you choose therapy or a coaching relationship is the relationship that you have with the person that you’re working with. That relationship should feel safe to you. You should feel completely safe. Remember non non judgmental, and like this person does not have an agenda for you. So pay attention to how you feel around that person that you’ve chosen to work with. Remember, you’re not looking for comfort, you’re looking for safety, because the relationship should be challenging. That’s a good thing. But safety should not be something that you compromise on. Both therapy and coaching can be very challenging and they can both be very healing.

Tina Gosney  20:00

You need to be willing to put in the work on your own end. Your therapist and your coach does not do the work for you.

Tina Gosney  20:09

Did you ever take piano lessons as a kid or maybe an adult even think about if you did, if you went to your lesson once a week, which would be typically like between 30 and 60 minutes a week, and you’re sitting with the teacher, and the teacher is going over the assignment for the week and saying, Okay, let’s do this. Let’s practice that here. I want you to work on this, and then come back and see me next week. Okay, let’s just imagine that you go to that lesson. And then you don’t even look at your music or touch the piano until the next week, when you go to that lesson again, how likely are you to have made any progress? Very unlikely. Well, the same thing happens with your coach or your therapist, if you’re not putting into practice, the things that you’re working on in those sessions and that time with the person that you’re working with, you’re not going to be making very much progress, you have a lot of responsibility to implement those things that you’re being helped with.

Tina Gosney  21:11

Here’s another thing I want you to be aware of, are ads that promote things that are unrealistic expectations, some something like, Hey, learn how to play the piano in three weeks, or lose 30 pounds in a month with chair yoga, or make a six figure income and only work two hours per week.

Tina Gosney  21:34

Don’t fall for these unrealistic claims, especially if they are telling you that you can get huge results with no or minimal effort. Those are red flags. Stay away from those types of promotions.

Tina Gosney  21:49

There are great therapists and coaches out there. There are also terrible therapists and coaches out there. So do your homework, ask questions. Trust yourself when something doesn’t feel right to you. Just because someone promises big results does not mean that they know how to help you achieve those same results.

Tina Gosney  22:11

If you are looking for a coach, I would love for you to consider me. I have a free 30 minute consultation available. There’s a link in the show notes where you can set that up and we can meet and you can see if we’re a good fit. The link is in the show notes. I invite you to use that and to see how coaching could help you and if we’re a good fit for working with each other. I’m looking forward to seeing you on that free 30 minute consultation. And don’t forget to download the difficult conversation guide. There’s one version for talking with your husband. There’s another version for talking with your adult child. You’ll find both the links in the show notes. Okay, that’s what I have for you today. I hope you have a great week and I will see you next time. Hey, if you are finding value here on this podcast, please consider hopping on to Apple podcasts or Spotify and leave a rating maybe even a review your ratings and reviews help other people to find this podcast. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this and for your support.